


The path of love in the face of trepidation

by AceLucky



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Awkward First Times, Awkward Kissing, F/M, Fear, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Frustration, Goodbyes, I'm useless with tags they're all messed up, Kissing, Longing, Lust, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex, Smut, Socially awkward Gaddes, Stripping, Trepidation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:53:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: Follow-up piece to 'Graveside' post series Eries invites Gaddes to a formal meal, there's embarrassment and awkwardness, again. Gaddes gets worried about leaving Eries behind the closer he gets to leaving Palas, however Eries puts his mind at rest, what will the future hold?





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Follow-up to my fic 'Graveside' so if you haven't read that first it probably makes sense to but isn't vital! 'Soul Food' and 'Moving on' are companion pieces to this. Also note - Millerna/Dryden have decided to give their marriage a try.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hitomi and Gaddes have another chat following their previous meeting, Gaddes helps Hitomi come to terms with what she needs to do and Hitomi promises to keep the information about his past a secret. Eries spies them from a distance.

Walking along the corridor out into the Palace courtyard his mind was as absent from a place as it could be. Nothing particularly emotional in terms of stirring old feelings or thinking drastically about love and the future had happened to him since before the war. Now in the space of a few hours he had experienced an emotional overload, overwhelmed and confused he’d spent his day quieter than usual. He all but buried his head in hands out of embarrassment at the memory of just how red he had turned when both Hitomi and Eries had complimented him.

There was one thing that was bothering him though, just as he thought of it he noticed his salvation out the corner of his eye, that strange bag she carried over one of her shoulders, “Hey Hitomi!” He called, then looked round to make sure no one was in ear shot.

“Oh hey Gaddes,” she waved as he approached.

“Where are you off to at this time, getting a little late isn’t it?” 

Hitomi was touched as always by his concern, not condescending, just caring, “Oh you know, I just wanted some air,” she paused, “I’m trying to prepare myself for leaving Palas tomorrow.” She clutched her bag tighter and looked at the floor, “The fountains are so pretty at night don’t you think?”

He nodded, “Always have,” he stood, hands on hips, thoughtful, “You know the first time you see a place you truly love it can be so hard to say goodbye, but you’ll always have the memories.”

“And you felt like this?”

He shifted, almost uncomfortably, “Where I grew up, small village, nothing like this. When I first came here it felt like a dream, when I was first shipped out in training and for manoeuvres, I could have cried.” He confessed laughing. 

Hitomi somehow couldn’t imagine this, she tried to picture a younger Gaddes, naive and uncertain, just how old was he? When had he first met Allen? Had they been good friends to begin with?

“Allen,” she shifted her bag on her shoulder, “I haven’t seen Allen since his reunion with Celena,” she paused, “I know why, I’m not…”

Hitomi hadn’t cried over this, promised herself she wouldn’t cry, but now it, so close to someone as caring as Gaddes, she couldn’t help but let it all out. She threw herself into his chest, “I’m not wanted anymore.”

Gaddes was taken aback for a moment but then returned the embrace, “Sure you are,” he gave her a moment before tilting her chin up. “Hey, you’re very wanted, wanted by me, the rest of the Crusade Crew, Millerna, Dryden, Eries,” he drifted off for a moment, Hitomi barely knew Eries, he hadn’t meant to speak her name. He shook his head and smiled more brightly, “Van of course and even Merle.” 

Hitomi gave a defiant nod, “I know, I’m sorry I’m crying on you again for the second time today.” She wiped the tears away.

“Sorry little lady I don’t have another handkerchief to give you,” he used a finger to brush her cheeks dry.

“I forgot!” She exclaimed and pulled out the one he’d given her earlier. Her eyes narrowed as she really looked at the design this time, “What’s the bear for?”

Gaddes smiled fondly, “She bloody loved bears,” he cleared his throat, “I mean she really loved bears.”

Hitomi stroked the bear, “I don’t want you to lose it,” she passed it back.

He shook his head, “I have several, keep it, I always found it lucky and maybe it’ll help bring you comfort,” he reached out, placing his hand on hers and closing it around the cloth inside. “And Hitomi, Allen does care about you, a lot. He’s just a bit messed up you know, his head hasn’t exactly been the clearest of places since you met him. He will be there to say goodbye to you when you leave for Fanelia tomorrow.” He reassured her.

“And you?” She asked.

“For me it’s back to the Castello to start the rebuild and reinforcements, with Allen staying here I’ll be in charge,” he practically puffed out his chest making Hitomi laugh, “I’m glad Gaddes, you deserve it.”

Gaddes leant his head back and cast his eyes in the direction of the brightest star, giving a sigh, “I suppose.”

Hitomi hit his chest playfully, “What was that for?”

“Nothing,” he replied, “Just, nothing.”

“If it’s what I think it is, she’ll still be here when you return, she’ll wait, I just know.”  

Gaddes smiled, “You always say the right thing.”

“As do you,” she replied, her hand still on his chest, his eyes catching hers, she blushed and pulled away, “Err, so, I’m glad I bumped into you, I just wanted to say I am so sorry, I still feel terrible about,” he interrupted her by placing a finger to her lips.

“Shh, I told you it’s not your fault, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Gaddes,” she said his name slowly, startled at his actions.

He felt her breath hot on his skin and quickly pulled away, “And we promised to stop saying sorry didn’t we?”

She gulped and nodded, “God I’m annoying,” she said.

That was the last thing he expected her to say, taken aback he exclaimed, “What?”

She sighed, “Sooner I go home the better,” she turned to leave.

It hit Gaddes then that Hitomi was 15, Van could also be moody and unpredictable and remembering his sisters at 15 he realised why. Hormones were a bitch.

“Hey, stop that,” he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her back round.

“Funny you know, I could have used someone like you when I first got here, throughout all the fighting…” she paused, her throat felt dry as she stared into his eyes, “Only I didn’t see you then, I was so fixated on Allen and,” she stepped back and covered her mouth, “I’m sorry Gaddes I have to go.”

“Wait Hitomi!” Gaddes dashed after her.

Why did she have to run all the time? Hitomi hated herself for dashing off the moment conversations got awkward, she did it with Allen, she’d done it with Van and now was she really going to do it with Gaddes to? She halted, her shoulders slumped a little and she pulled into herself, her arms folded, head lowered.

“I’m just tired Gaddes,” she explained as she shuffled her feet.  

“I’m sorry Hitomi, I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward or hold you back,” he apologised, his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder but thinking better of it he dropped it.

Hitomi sensed his warmth, saw his hand movement in her peripheral vision. Her body ached for something, though she knew yet not what. Her shoulder jutted out slightly, as if to make contact with his hand but the space he’d previously occupied had already become a void.

“I thought we weren’t saying sorry anymore,” she replied slowly looking up at him.

Gaddes was thoroughly confused, sensing she wanted him to comfort her he lifted his hand up once again and gripped her shoulder, “We weren’t, I just mess up a lot,” he squeezed her shoulder. 

Hitomi stared at him in disbelief, “You? Mess up?” She asked in all seriousness. 

Gaddes shrugged, leaving his hand on her shoulder, “I fuck up more than you’d think.”

Hitomi practically flinched when he swore, “Sorry, Jeture, sorry,” Gaddes removed his hand and buried his head in his hands, “See?” He asked as if proving a point.

Hitomi suddenly laughed, her body relaxing, “Don’t be silly, what was it you wanted to say? You called me.”

“Oh yer, that, I,” he felt stupid even asking, “I just wanted to ask you, please don’t say anything about that tarot reading to anyone,” he couldn’t make eye contact as he spoke. Even mentioning the reading sent his memories spiralling into the past, he flinched as he spoke, thinking of her was too painful even now. He didn’t want anyone else to know about it.

Hitomi stepped forward so she was only inches from him, she placed her arms around him, gently at first, trying to comfort him. Gaddes froze for a moment and then pulled Hitomi into him, her head laying against his chest.

“Of course, I’d never tell anyone. Your past is safe with me, I haven’t spoken of it to anyone, I won’t, I couldn’t,” she was nearly crying again. 

Shit he hadn’t meant to upset her, he just had to be certain she wouldn’t say anything, even though he knew he could trust her.

“Allen knows but that’s it, we spoke about it once and that was all that was needed. I’d rather the past stay buried,” he said as he stroked her hair. 

As if suddenly aware of what he was doing he pulled his hand back, returning it to his all too familiar place scratching at the back of his head.

Hitomi tried to think of anything to change the subject, her mouth going dry, “Merle is just wonderful though,” she beamed.

“I bet, saw her today playing with skipping ropes with the kids. She looks annoyed half of the time, but I get the feeling she loves it really.” He grinned.  
“I think aside from being around Van, that’s the closest she feels to being at home.” Hitomi said sadly. 

“She’ll help so many children back in Fanelia,” Gaddes agreed.

“It must have been so hard on her, I was too hard on her,” a guilty conscience taking over.

Gaddes moved round to the side of her and nudged her “Come on, she can be a little annoying,” he winked.

She smiled, “Just a little.” 

“Well then Gaddes I best say goodnight, I promised to be on time for dinner with Dryden and Millerna, and the others,” she sounded almost sorry to be leaving. “I know I won’t get a goodbye with you like this tomorrow, so I just want to say thank you, for everything, for always having my back, for protecting me, not talking down to me because I’m a girl.” Staring into his eyes she was sure they were the kindest she’d ever seen.

“You are most welcome little lady, you never let anyone put you down okay?” he placed a hand on her shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. 

Hitomi suddenly threw her arms around him, Gaddes without really thinking what he was doing picked her up for a brief moment and held her tight. 

Something about her youthfulness, her innocence reminded him so much of his sisters and of her… He placed her back on the ground, her hands trailed from his back to his chest as her feet landed. When he looked at her she was blushing, her hands fumbling round with the front of his shirt, clutching at where it was open. 

“Goodbye Hitomi,” he bent down and kissed her cheek.

“Goodbye Gaddes,” she said sadly, clutching his handkerchief to her breast, “They’re not forever right?”

“Right,” he reaffirmed. 

Just as Hitomi started to walk back into the Palace Gaddes noticed a shadow under one of the pillars, a woman watching him. “Eries,” he whispered.


	2. Tender Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaddes worries about being far away from Eries, though they've never even kissed.... yet. Eries reassures him.

Several days passed without much comment, Hitomi left with Van and Merle for Fanelia as planned. Gaddes got to say goodbye to her with the others, but it wasn’t nearly as emotional or personal as the first time. Allen too had made an appearance, Celena dressed in one of Millerna’s outfits looking charmed by life itself. Allen seemed sad to see Hitomi go, a little quiet, but on seeing his sister by his side, his mood perked up again.

“It’s all worked how it was supposed to,” Allen gave a contended sigh. 

“Huh boss?” Gaddes hadn’t really been paying attention, he’d been fixated focusing on the Princess’s and Dryden. Eries looked calm and beautiful as ever. 

“We won the war, Celena is home and Hitomi gets to return to where she belongs,” Allen smiled warmly to Celena and pulled her in closer.

Celena looked up at the mention of her name, eyes bright, “Can we go to the market today brother?” Allen smiled, “Of course.”

Gaddes nodded, he couldn’t help but notice how Allen appeared to be trying to avoid looking in Millerna’s direction. Millerna had her arm linked round Dryden’s.   
“And hey, no need to call me boss, not now,” Allen smiled sadly and took his friend by the shoulder, “You’ll be excellent.”

“Huh,” Gaddes wasn’t entirely sure of this, but Allen’s faith in him made him feel more hopeful. 

Just over a week passed, the weather was just starting to turn, leaves changing from their luscious greens to sunset burns. During this week Gaddes had several encounters with Eries, some minor, some more personal and often cut short by others. They were all marked on him though, made a great impression of how he wished to carry himself when he returned to the Castello.   
The moments they had spent together had been more than he ever thought they would share, or ever dreamed he would be allowed to have with her. He liked to think Eries had a hand in it, there had been a moment hadn’t there? But he knew that was an almost childish fantasy that he had. 

Most of their meetings had been accompanied, aside from two, once passing on the stairs where they smiled, nodded curtly, mentioned how lovely the weather was and Gaddes, feeling awfully like an idiot had complimented her dress. Then there was another meeting in the graveyard, Gaddes had gone there for peace and had met Eries, this time at her mother’s grave. They hadn’t spoken for long but as she left Eries had touched the sleeve of his shirt and given him a small smile, looking at him at a sideways glance. He thought his heart had stopped beating, was glad of the sea breeze to cool him as he sat amongst the flowers day dreaming of a life he knew could never be. 

There had been a formal meal that he had been invited to, a first for Gaddes, he found it both endearing and awkward. Everything had been discussed from the future of the country to their favourite animals, it turned out Eries had a love for otters and missed riding as much as she used to. 

Gaddes swore to remember that, was planning in his head on taking her out on a hack if ever she came to visit the Castello, as if she would. Gaddes had professed his love for bears, Allen had given him an apologetic look and the room had grown silent. 

Even though no one knew about his infatuation with Eries, Millerna, or was it Dryden? Had seen it fit to seat Gaddes opposite Eries at the long table. 

“So Gaddes are you excited to be moving back out?” Millerna asked, full of enthusiasm as she filled Dryden’s wine cup. 

Gaddes, who was about to place a fork full of food into his mouth stopped, balanced the fork in between his fingers and looked across to Allen then Millerna, “I suppose so, good to be back to work, back to my old post,” he was struggling of what to say but luckily was cut off as Eries spoke, “And a new position,” she smiled at him.

“Huh,” Gaddes muttered as he looked across at her, she was still smiling, her wine cup pressed against her lower lip, she drank without breaking eye contact.  
“Err yeah I..” he felt lost in her eyes, her smile … He dropped the fork which made a loud cluttering as it hit the floor, “Shit!” he exclaimed, immediately covering his mouth, swearing in front of Royalty was simply not something one did.

Allen looked shocked and started apologising immediately, Celena simply laughed in a child-like manner at the commotion as Gaddes bent down to pick up his fork, politely shooing away the servant, he refused to let others clear up his mess. As he sat back up he banged his head on the table, sending his cup flying onto the floor, a blood-red pool appearing on the table cloth. Fuck, fuck, fuck he bit down on his lip hard to stop himself from swearing aloud. 

When he appeared from under the table, a maid now clearing, Gaddes refusing to stop her this time, he was beetroot red and went to make his excuses and leave. He didn’t make eye contact with any of them, “I’m so sorry, I really don’t belong here, didn’t mean t’ make such a fuss,” he was spilling out apologies, mumbling, bowing and started to walk away.

He was expecting to hear hushed voices or Allen calling after him angrily, instead he only heard laughter, this made him even redder and curse under his breath, his fists balled angrily. Was that tears he felt stinging his eyes? It couldn’t be. How could he be so stupid as to believe a Princess could ever be interested in him when he couldn’t even behave properly at dinner.

“Gaddes come back!” He knew he was being childish, practically storming off. He wouldn’t have stopped, not for anyone else, but he knew that voice, Eries.  
He turned to see Eries laughing into a napkin, her smile warm and genuine, she was waving him back, “Please.” 

Gaddes returned to the table against his wishes, terrified of making another mistake and proceeded to spend the evening trying not to look like he was obviously falling in love with Eries. He was left with a horrible gut feeling by the end that he had failed…

The following morning he was up early, ready to leave Palas with the rest of the Crusade Crew and a new group of men who would be under his command. He had to find Eries to say goodbye, she’d told him last night in a whisper when no one was looking to meet her in a quiet spot in the garden where there would be little distraction. Naturally after that he had been unable to sleep. 

So Gaddes found himself sat on a bench leaning against a wall, looking at the orange vines and watching a snail slowly move across the floor. He hadn’t eaten yet, his stomach felt full of butterflies, his hands a little sweaty, he hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“Good morning,” she spoke without announcing herself and as he looked up he sighed, her serenity left him feeling lost. 

He smiled, “And to you too,” he shifted up on the bench making room for her, “And can I say how beautiful you’re looking,” it was her turn now to blush.

“Gaddes, I don’t know if you’ve worked out why I wanted to speak to you alone like this, if I’m honest,” she paused, watching the same snail as it finally reached it’s destination, “I’m not entirely sure if I know, but I knew I had to say something.”

Gaddes turned to look at her, her back was straight, her face determined and serious, he gulped. “Okay, I’m listening.”

She turned to him, “I’m going to miss you, I wanted to get to know you better, to know if there was a chance,” she stopped, her slender hands reaching out for his. Her fingers traced his fingers and she let her hands rest on his. 

“Princess,” he started, his voice shaking, she was looking so intently at him he was sure if he wiped his palms on his breeches she wouldn’t notice. He then lifted them and held her hands in his. “You…you can always visit me?” He asked hopefully.

She nodded, “Of course and I will, I just know that a Princess has to be careful, especially in my position,” she pulled her hands away. 

“Have you ever wanted to be a Knight?” She asked suddenly. 

“Me? You gotta be kiddin’ right?” He laughed, “Sorry,” he too pulled his hands away, that was that, they’d clearly been something there but nothing could come of it. He’d invited her if she wished to visit and that was all there was to it. 

“But you’d suit it,” she protested. 

He scoffed, “I’d have to wear the same Uniform as Allen,” his face was screwed up. 

Eries laughed, her hands involuntarily clapping together, “You don’t think you’d look good like that?”

He laughed, “No offence but I’m quite happy like this.”

“I bet you’d look handsome,” she grinned.

He’d never seen her grin quite like that, it suited her, suited her better than the serious disposition that was her normal look. Eries suited being happy, laughing and smiling, that was how Gaddes wished she could be every day, rather than with the weight of the country on her shoulders. 

I’ve never been kissed, I’ve never been kissed. Like a mantra her head was crowded, full of woe as a deep sadness and inadequacy overwhelmed her.   
“Gaddes I,” she halted, colour in her cheeks portraying her, she stood up and moved away from the bench, facing the rose bushes so he didn’t have to see her shame. 

I’ve gotten this far along in life without romance, I certainly don’t need it now. She turned her head away from him as she lied to herself.

Gaddes stood up slowly, careful not to startle her. He walked round so he was facing her but kept the distance for a moment. He spoke softly so no one would over hear, unperturbed by shyness, “Princess,” stepping forward, testing the water he waited to see her reaction. When she didn’t move her reached out and cupped her chin, fingers stroking her cheeks. 

Beat. She looked up, hands falling to her sides, unable to put up a fight against her head any longer. “Gaddes,” she was practically crying as she said his time. His smile warmed her, let her know that this was okay. It wasn’t allowed, her father would be furious and she could just see Millerna revel in the irony of the act.

Gaddes took his other hand and slipped it round Eries’ waist. Even as he did so he was careful to be slow, to search her for any truth or lie, terrified he would assume a position that could never be afforded to him, a relationship that could never be; that he would be like Allen had once been.

His hand was shaking as tightened his grip ever so slightly as his hand smoothed further round her waist and he pulled her a little closer.

On sensing his trepidation Eries spoke his name again, paused, then continued, “I always speak of freedom,” this time it was her turn to reach out to him. “But never allow myself to indulge in my own freedom, my judgement of Millerna, it was wrong,” she cast her gaze beyond Gaddes, “I see that now.”

She stepped forward so their bodies were now in tandem, one another shaking in the others arms. Tears pooled in her eyes, threatening to flood her vision. The simplest and most complicated of human emotions in that moment a very threat to blind her, those eyes portrayed everything.

Gaddes moved his hand up slowly, tracing every perfect line, taking in every freckle that graced Eries’ face. His forefinger rest under her eyelid so when she blinked he caught and wiped away the tears.

She nuzzled into the top of his chest, “I saw you and Hitomi before she left, you seemed pretty close,” she gave a sigh.

Gaddes had forgotten that she had seen them, “Eries, I… there’s nothing there if that’s what you’re thinking, we’re friends, she needed a lot of comforting, some advice. She did a reading, learnt something terrible from my past, a great injustice… It was comfort that was all,” he was aware he was rambling, saying more than was necessary, he just had to reassure her, “She’s pretty, sure, but young, she reminded me of my sister,” He looked down at her and saw she had lifted her head to look at him. 

She nodded, “What am I doing Gaddes? Why did that bother me?” She pulled away a little, shaking more than a little now, she knew what she wanted, understood the truth but she felt so afraid of the unknown. 

“I’m gonna guess what you’re thinking,” more tears to be wiped away, Gaddes sighed, “Whatever it is you want to do right now you feel is wrong, either you disappoint me or disappoint your family.”

She gave a graceful nod, colour darkening in her cheeks, Gaddes could feel the warmth through the pad of his finger, “Eries, look at me?” He asked as he tilted her chin up to look at him, “I’ve been through enough to know you can’t live yer life for others, no one can live their life through you and whatever you do, has to be right for you.”

She nodded, her hands loosening from Gaddes’ sides. He smiled and took his hands from her, gave a polite bow, “Of course Princess, I’m sorry if I’ve embarrassed you, that was not my intention.”

He turned to leave, “You’ll be okay, just know I’m here if ever you need me. I mean not right here in Palas, but,” he shrugged his shoulders as he turned. 

“Gaddes wait!” She practically screamed after him.

He looked back to see the tears now streaming down her cheeks, “Please wait,” she held out her hands to him. “I’m so sorry Gaddes,” she sobbed.  
Eries realised this was the first time she’d cried since Marlene died, the first time she’d truly broken down like this since her mother died. There had been too many years of putting on a brave face, she’d decided it was time to break down the barrier again, after all Millerna seemed happier for it. 

“Hey now,” Gaddes pulled Eries into his chest, not that he needed to, she practically fell into him, “I’ve got you, you’re safe,” he stroked her long hair, fingers wrapping round small sections, twisting as he pressed his lips to her brow and kissed her. “Eries.”

She shook hearing him say her name like that, tingles up her spine, igniting her senses, “You’re alright, nothing bad will happen I promise you, I promise,” he repeated, more reverently pressing kisses to her skin, but wary of moving any lower. 

Her arms around him tightened as she felt real fear that she was close to losing him, his other hand smoothed her back as he cooed, “Shhh now love it’s okay,” shocked at his own use of the word, love, Gaddes was unable to deny it any longer.

She pulled away from him and searched his face for any hint of a lie, but found none.

“I’ve never been in love, I’ve never kissed a man or been held, I’m afraid I’ll be terrible at this,” she confessed. They both found themselves laughing at the absurdity of it all.

“Here,” that was all he needed to say as he moved in, his face inches from hers, his breath hot on her lips.

“Just say the magic word,” he said.

She giggled through tears, feeling ten years younger, she pulled him closer so their hips touched, “I don’t know it.”

“You’re a Princess, of course you know,” he teased kissing the tip of her nose.

“Please,” she begged.

“Hmm,” he smiled, “Let’s make those tears melt away shall we?”

Before she had time to answer his lips were on hers. Trying not to overwhelm her he pulled away after a moment, a small “Ohh,” escaping her lips as they parted.

“Yes?” He asked.

“Yes.”

And this time it was her who reached out for him, her lips that sought the comfort and warmth that she realised only he could provide. He pushed her back into the wall, hands and lips more desperate for the other. Only during such intense contact did either of them realise how lonely they’d been before.   
He pushed her back into the wall, not too rough but wanting her to know how much he wanted this, needed her. She let a slight moan slip, feeling his weight pressed against her, trapping her, keeping her safe. Absolution, she sought absolution in his arms, through him.

He moved his lips slower, pulling apart from her, breathless and looked at her, the way her eyes were still shut. He brushed the hair from her face causing her to open her eyes.

“I need to know what it’s like,” she confessed.

Gaddes cocked his head to the side, “What?” his lips barely moved, understanding and reason gone.

“I always thought it such a terrible thing, such a sin, but Jeture wouldn’t want this sadness anymore surely?” Her eyes shone, lips still pursed as if awaiting his once more.

“Eries, I’m not sure I know what you’re asking of me.”

Eries unable to speak anymore reached out to pull the collar of his shirt, pulling him into her slightly roughly. Just before kissing him said, “How un ladylike of me,” she grinned and kissed him once again, “I always loved how you left the top few buttons undone,” she confessed, “When I visit you, I need you to show me what it’s like.” Another rough kiss, her lips sucking his bottom lip, her right hand undoing a few more of his shirt buttons so she could rest her hand against his bare chest. Gads felt the pit of his stomach fall through, a stirring inside he never dreamt he’d feel again, and embarrassingly, a twinge in his breeches. 

He realised now what she meant, what she needed and for the first time was speechless. Everything in recent years had been so casual but he became overwhelmed with sorrow and lust, strings pulling his heart, threatening to rip it open any minute. Until Eries he had imagined all that was left now was ice, but his efforts here to kill his affections had been in vain. 

There was a beat, a moment which if she really tried she could remember, pinpoint, the moment when she fell for him. There was nothing in the world so good as kindness, no greater human trait, his kindness overspilled and seemed to know no bounds. Eries did not need a man to be complete, but denying herself companionship and love was a lot of hard work.


	3. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a month of being at the Castello Eries comes to visit Gaddes. Eries has a decision to make, whether or not to allow her feelings to interfere where they never have before...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, lots and lots of smut. That pretty much sums up this chapter, with some hurt/comfort as I needed some plot development. But essentially this chapter is a loving/awkward first time chapter.

Never one to take note of time, weeks would normally fly by for Gaddes, but away from Allen for the first time in years and moreover without Eries around, the days dragged. He remained sturdy in command at all times and never let this waiver in front of others, but alone he worried about her, was anxious for when he’d see her next.

Her visit came virtually unannounced, he was told only the day before and guessed she had somehow convinced her father to allow her to be escorted to check on the progress at the Castello. Gaddes was unable to sleep, he’d spent what must have been an hour watching the sun go down behind the near bare branches, a masterpiece he wished Eries could have been there with him for. 

When she arrived it was torture, hours of touring the grounds, progress updates whilst being escorted, thus having no time apart to demonstrate their true affections. There were odd glances when they thought no one else was looking, a moment or two when someone would say something amusing to one with a childish sense of humour and they both found themselves stifling giggles. 

At last alone, Gaddes wished to take no chances, “Princess tell me, do things still stand the way they did before?”

She nodded with absolute certainty, he took a hold of her hand, noting it’s softness and warmth, “Come on then Princess, let’s find somewhere more private.” 

Eries froze for a moment, knew what it meant if she followed him and allowed herself to be unescorted. All these years without surrender, she was willing to sacrifice it all for this one man, not a Prince, or a Lord or even a Knight. She swallowed and found her throat to be so dry she nearly coughed.

“Promise you’ll look after me,” she asked as her stomach turned with nerves.

“I’d never do anything to hurt you, or that you weren’t ready for or didn’t want,” he paused to look at her, “Anything, just say it, anything you need and it’s yours, I promise,” he spoke in earnest. 

She nodded, throat still dry, despite the bile she felt rising and the dampness that spread across her brow, she believed him and knew with certainty she had never wanted anything more.

“Take me away,” She said. 

Gaddes led her to his room, with the position he was in he knew his men would leave him be if the door was closed unless in an emergency. He had had fresh bedding laid out, flowers on the table, several candles that smelt of vanilla. He knew what he had to offer was next to nothing compared to the luxuries of the palace, yet he would give her everything he had. 

They marched along the corridor quickly so not to be caught, but Eries stopped them when they were close by to kiss him. 

“Eries please, don’t tease,” he had no idea how long he’d be able to last. When they reached his room they dashed inside and Gaddes pushed the door shut trying not to make too much noise, locked it immediately. 

“There, now no one can interrupt us,” he smiled at her, trying to break through the cold exterior that was once again in place.

She reached for her headdress and removed it along with her veil, placed it on a cabinet and turning to Gaddes said, “I’m yours.”

Gaddes wrapped his arms tightly round her waist and momentarily buried his head her neck and cheek, nuzzling against her, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t come,” he confessed.

She followed suit, wrapping her arms round him and holding him tightly, “I must confess, I’ve done a lot of thinking. It did cross my mind,” she stopped, afraid to continue.

Gaddes blinked, only then realising he was close to tears, he had allowed himself to indulge in a dream too fervently now for it to come caving in. He buried his head into her hair, no matter how much he loved her, he promised her wishes came first, even if that meant letting the dream die. 

“Gaddes,” she spoke softly, one of her hands had made it to his hair and was stroking in a motherly fashion. “Shhh,” she comforted him as his head sunk lower she pulled him into her breast, “But I realised those fears, the brief thoughts I had about not coming to you, those were for others, for my father, they weren’t my wishes,” she kissed the top of his head.

He wanted to open up, wanted to tell her everything but knew if he did that the moment would be ruined, he was too afraid of losing everything again, “What if I told you it’s not just you who’s afraid,” he murmured inhaling the scent of her hair.

“Trust me, trust that this is what I want, I want you to make me complete.” She kissed his head again, “I want you inside of me.” 

“Eries,” he said all a stutter, unable to comprehend what was happening.

He pulled away from her, his hands reached for the back of her head, running through her hair. He promised himself he was going to take his time with this, make her feel at ease so they could both enjoy it as one. He leant in to kiss her, this time without fear of being caught, his tongue slid against hers. Eries took a hold of the side of his face, holding him steady, the feeling of empowerment only served to heighten her senses. His hands were cupping her cheeks, pulling away slowly, their eyes never turning from one another’s gaze. 

“So what do we do now?” Eries asked so timidly that Gaddes was sure she must have been emphasising her naivety to put him at ease.

Gaddes gently pushed her towards his bed, “Well Princess, that much is up to you,” he teased her as he spoke, one of his hands slowly traveling down her neck, over the material of her sharp collar bone and down to her right breast. He paused for a moment, looked at her searching for permission, she gave a curt nod and closed her eyes. His hand graced over the fabric, then rubbed lightly, tracing round her nipple, she let out a small gasp and her knees buckled a little. 

He removed his hand and placed it back round her waist holding her steady, 

“Hey now, you’re gonna be on the floor at this rate,” he laughed as he kissed her nose.

She blushed and looked up, “I didn’t tell you to stop.”

Gaddes was taken aback, not in a bad way, just surprised, but then she was a Princess, probably used to getting her way. He smirked and pulled her close as he snaked his hand back up to her breast and started to massage her. He could already feel himself growing a little hard, the fire inside him burning fiercely, especially now she was being so keen. 

He squeezed a little harder, wondering how on earth to take off her dress, “Tell me if it hurts, tell me to stop,” he murmured into her hair.

She took his lips in her own again as her fingers fumbled with his shirt buttons, breaking away she spoke, “I’ll tell you what I want, I want to undo more of these.”

Gaddes removed his hand from her and took a step back, he opened his palms towards her, “Be my guest.” 

He jumped when she went for his belt and undid that first, throwing it and his sword onto the end of the bed. Her fingers went to work at undoing all of the buttons on his shirt until she reached the hem of his breeches. She pulled out the rest of his shirt that was tucked in so neatly and undid the last few. She took a step back to admire him and on stepping forward she grabbed his collar pulled him into her for a quick kiss then slid the shirt from his back leaving him topless. She ran her hands over his body slowly, taking in the toned definition of his muscles of his torso. He watched her, intrigued and growing ever harder as her fingers pinched at his nipples, twisting them a little and forcing him back to her lips.

“So handsome,” she murmured into his lips. “Now to get these off,” her hands went for his breeches, her voice still wavering a lot. 

On the inside she was still nervous as anything but didn’t want to show it, she was a Princess. 

“Hey now,” he put his hands on her wrists and pulled her away, “I’m half undressed and we haven’t even begun undressing you, don’t you think that’s a little unfair huh?”

Eries blushed, she wanted all of this, but the thought of being naked in front of Gaddes still filled her with more than a little terror. His hands reached for her sleeves, pulling them back a little so he could kiss her wrists. She slipped off the cape she was wearing and turned slowly, revealing the intricate lacing to the back of her dress. 

She turned over her shoulder to look him in the eyes, “Go on, do it.” 

His hands were no where near as steady as he wished for them to be as he begun to unlace her dress, feeling the material grow slacker on her skin, fall away as if petals from a dying rose. Once at the bottom he watched as she reached for the sleeves, pushed them over her shoulders and her dress fell to the ground, pooling at her ankles. 

She turned to him now in her underwear, “I’d say that was more than fair now wouldn’t you?”

She stepped out of the dress, his hands went to her sides, slid down her thighs and he spun her round so her back was pressed up against his chest. He swooped in to kiss her neck with passion, his hands still gripping her thighs. 

“Am I allowed to take the rest off?” he whispered into her ear. 

She shuddered under him at the feel of breath on her skin.

“Yes.” she replied, though her arms were folded across her chest. 

He took a small step back from her so he could undo her corset and when it too fell to the ground her hands again went back to her breasts, covered them. 

Gaddes raised his hands to hers and squeezed them, she gave a small moan as she felt her own soft skin growing hard.

Slowly she slid her hands down her body allowing Gaddes’ to take their place. 

“Tell me if it hurts, or if it doesn’t feel good okay?” He whispered into her neck, giving her soft kisses as he continued to massage her breasts. 

“No, no it feels good,” she was sure scarlet was traveling further down her face but she didn’t care. She tingled all over, especially between her legs.

“Gaddes,” she let out a small yelp of surprise when she felt him pressed hard against her back.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. 

She smiled, “Nothing to be sorry for.” 

He slowly moved his hands down her body, till they reached her thighs. 

Running his fingers in circles towards the inside of her thighs, she begun to lean her weight back on him, “That’s right Princess, I’ve got you,” it felt like a sign from her, permission to go further. His fingers dipped between her legs, rubbing the silky material, feeling her heat through her panties.

“Ahhh,” she moaned, her head turned back into him. “I need to lay down,” she admitted feeling her knees so weak she was afraid she’d collapse. 

“Okay,” Gaddes removed his hand from her and turned her back round, “Whatever you need to be comfortable.” 

She glanced at his trousers, at the peak that was now visible, “As stupid as it sounds, I’d feel more comfortable, if you were naked first.”

Gaddes chuckled, undid his flies and pulled down his breeches, he pointed at the material underneath, “And these?”

She gulped and then nodded slowly, “Wait, I trust you wholly,” she kissed his neck, sucked on the thick skin there. Found his pulse, no clue what she was doing but a desire to follow her instinct. The guttural moans he gave in response told her she was doing it right. Her hands were on the waistband of his undergarments, loosening the material and then pulling them over his thick thighs. 

He stepped out of them and when she looked down she gasped. She knew some men were bigger than others and well, she’d had her suspicions about her new lover, but still, he seemed impossibly large to her. 

Sensing her slight unease he got onto his knees, knelt by her feet, looked up in awe at her body in it’s purest form. “Lady Eries, I…I…” He stuttered, embarrassed for the first time, to be naked. “I pledge myself to you,” it was all he could think of to say and yet there were so few other words that would have done his feelings justice. 

She reached out for him and pulled him to his feet, “Gaddes you’re simply…” S

he sneezed suddenly, bashing her forehead against his as she did so, “I’m so sorry.” She was so sincere he couldn’t help but pull a stern face, which soon cracked as he laughed, bumping his nose against hers. 

“That was so embarrassing” she cringed, “I’m supposed to be all, you know…”  
She turned an even darker shade as he spoke.

“Sexy?” He raised an eyebrow, then wiggled it. He scooped her up without warning and she gave a surprised yelp, then a satisfied groan as he lay her down on the soft bed. He climbed on next to her and bent down to kiss her. 

She reached up, ran a hand along his jaw, noting how strong it was, “Sex isn’t meant to be serious Princess, it’s okay to laugh and have fun,” he nipped at her neck, his stubble tickling her cheeks.

“But I always thought,” she was breathing heavily as he started to suck, her head pushed back into the pillow, she faced toward the ceiling, eyes squeezed shut.

Gaddes pulled away grinning, “Wow, if I get you to do that just from doing that there with my tongue, I dread to think of the state you’ll be in when I get my tongue down there.”

Eries shot up, burning, “Gaddes!” Her legs practically snapped shut, “Do what?”

“Oh err,” he was scratching the back of his neck, “You know, foreplay?”

She cocked her head to the side, legs relaxing a little, “It’s not all about the act of sex itself, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy ourselves,” he was trying to explain the best he could.

Her feet were flat on the bed, knees pressed together, she let her head roll back onto the pillows. She stared at the ceiling, wondered whether or not she was doing the right thing, unaware that within minutes she wouldn’t be able to keep her eyes off him. 

He pressed a kiss to her lips making her jump a little, “Tell me if anything doesn’t feel okay, let me know if it feels good, if you want me to stop, just say,” he kissed the tip of her nose, a reassuring moment of contact that made Eries relax her muscles.

They kissed then as if in a fever, their mouths hot and greedy, Gaddes wanting to take it slow, easing her into what felt like the inevitable at this moment. He trailed down her neck, soft peppery kisses, she groaned into him as he reached her collarbone.He licked along the sharp outline, grinning as he heard her moan and felt her back arch a little. He continued down in between her breasts, his right hand coming up and tracing circles round her nipple. He pinched it then, taking it in between his thumb and forefinger, but he didn’t squeeze, not at first.

“Is that okay?” He asked softly as he nuzzled into her other breast, his hair tickling her.

“Mmm,” she managed to get out.

He chuckled as he pinched and rolled her hard flesh between his fingers. His mouth kissing her other breast, tongue paying attention to her small, pink peaks. As he took her nipple in his mouth she let out a much larger moan, he sucked gently, his hand round her other breast dropped to squeeze the whole mound. 

Just as she didn’t think she could take anymore he pulled away and continued to kiss down her torso, reaching her soft stomach he kissed her belly button and continued down. Every kiss made her heart pound harder, her breath hitch more. He reached her pelvic bone and pressed one kiss to the top of where her hair begun then pulled away.

Gaddes was sure that she heard her give a groan of disappointment when he stopped, that was what he needed, to know she was truly enjoying it. He reached for her panties, nuzzling first into the soft silk and pressing a hard kiss against the material he knew covered her clit. Another moan from her and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out. 

“Take them off,” she begged. She raised her hips a little so he could easily slide off the remaining clothing that was covering her. Grinning he licked his lips now appreciating how beautiful she was. 

“Gaddes?” She asked quietly.

He raised his head so he could see her, she appeared to be blushing furiously, her eyes looking down at her own body, “I…I do look normal don’t I?” She shifted uncomfortably.

It struck Gaddes that this was likely the first time she had ever been naked in front of a man before.

He shot up straight away, stared into her eyes, stroked her hair, “Eries you’re beautiful, you’re one of the most beautiful women in all the world. You’re perfect.” He rubbed his thumb over her lip.

“Even with the scar on my…” 

He interrupted her, “Yes, just how you are.”

She nodded, “You’re very handsome.”

Gaddes gave a grunt in response and went back down to continue kissing her thighs. Her skin was so soft he felt he could melt into it, he felt safe just being with her. As he got higher and kissed further into her inner thigh he heard her sigh, giving way as her legs opened a little. 

He couldn’t bare to look at her face, he knew how embarrassed she’d be, he almost felt bad for her and a little embarrassed himself to look between her legs. He continued kissing, occasionally sucking her flesh, his tongue leaving a wet trail getting closer and closer until he had to nudge her legs apart a little more. He stared up at her in awe, unable to believe for a moment she’d let him get this close.

His lips touched hers, her sweet saltiness made him crave more. He gave a soft lick, careful not to overwhelm her with sensations. He heard her gasp, felt her arms taught and strain as her hands gripped the bedsheets tighter and tighter. Her hips lifted a little off the bed and Gaddes took this as a sign to suck a little now, licking with more passion.

He took a moment to breathe and to ask, “That okay Princess?”

There was a moments silence before he heard her murmur his name several times and felt one of her hands in his hair, almost pushing him down into her. He was enjoying the amount of control she clearly wanted even for her first time. Her hips raised a little from the bed, her heart rate increased and he was sure if he carried on he would bring her to climax within moments. He pulled away.

Eries giving a disappointed, “Oh,” in frustration.

His tongue was replaced by his fingers, normally this was something he’d do the other way round but with Eries he felt his tongue first would help relax her before he attempted any penetration. He trailed his index and middle finger round in circles, careful not to touch her most sensitive area, teasing her as he stroked. He slowly drew his two fingers up over her clit and rubbed her gently.

“How does that feel?” He asked looking up at her.

“Good, it’s good Gaddes, I need more of you,” he changed the way he was rubbing her to see how she responded and what she preferred, but he was careful to be gentle with her seeing how knew this was. 

Eries moved her body to the side a little, her hips lifting once again trying to rub herself against his fingers, “Why does it feel so good?” She asked.

He chuckled, “Not sure Princess, but as long as it does, then I’m a happy man.”

He slipped his fingers down her, “Is it okay?” He begun, “I mean can I enter you?”

She nodded, “Please.”

He slowly slid one finger inside her, he felt her body tense for a moment.

“It’s okay, just relax, tell me to stop if you need me to.” He stopped moving for a moment, his finger still inside her.

“No, it’s okay,” she replied. 

He took that as a sign to continue, slowly drawing it back out of her and then back in again. He took his time getting her used to the feeling of him, moved his finger around in side her, rubbing his knuckle up against her wall and when she seemed comfortable he slid a second finger into her, this time increasing the pace. 

Eries squirmed underneath him, not in pain but due to impatience. 

Gaddes smirked, “I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he kissed her thigh and then along towards her womanhood. As he kissed her he curved his fingers upwards a little inside of her, eliciting a louder moan from her lips. Slowly he withdrew his fingers and she gave a sigh, feeling empty already without him. 

He crawled up her body, kissing her as he went till he was looking down at her flushed face. Her eyes were still closed, her chest rising and falling in quick succession, a bead of sweat on her forehead. Gaddes reached down for her wrists, still gripping the white bed linen.

He bent down and gently lifted her wrists up, “I got yer,” he pulled them towards him, kissing each wrist gently. 

Being so close to her like this he was now aching, he’d been trying to ignore the swelling between his legs but it was impossible. He knew she’d be able to feel him hard against her abdomen, but despite his desire did not which to proceed without further permission.

Eries made a soft murmuring sound as the stubble on his chin once again scratched at her neck. She actually hoped it made marks, hoped that someone would notice, that Millerna would see. She felt awful and drowning in sin for the first time, it felt wonderful. 

Gaddes looked down at her, “Are you sure about this?”

Eries didn’t even need a moment to think, she merely nodded. He paused for a moment as he felt her hand snake down his abdomen making him shiver, “Err princess.” Her hand was on her groin.

“I just want to,” her voice was shaking as she spoke, her hands trembling. 

“You want to touch me?” He smirked.

She nodded, “Okay,” he shrugged and rolled onto his back next to her. 

He wondered as soon as he did it whether or not that was the right thing to do, surely she wouldn’t know what she was doing.

“It’s okay, I’ll guide you,” his hands behind his head so he was propped up he watched her. She knelt next to his hips and reached out for his cock, at first just stroking the upper side with a few fingers, getting a feel for it. 

She then took it in her hands, rubbing up and down gently at first, the pad of her thumb following the thick vein on the underside. She retreated momentarily as he twitched.

“It’s okay you won’t hurt me, I like it a little rough.”

Eries looked a little concerned but took a hold of him again, “Don’t worry we’ll get to that, just not today,” reassuring her was more important than his own pleasure. She slowly started to stroke him.

“Am I … doing it right?” She stuttered.

“Perfect,” he watched her hand move up and down him, “Just,” he took a hold of her hand in his own and showed her the pressure and rhythm he enjoyed, encouraging her and then letting go. For a moment he closed his eyes in ecstasy, this was nothing like girls that could be brought. 

“I think I’d like to taste it…only,” she paused and looked a little afraid.

“Baby steps darlin’, no need to do everything now,” he reached out for her, she nodded, grateful at her understanding.

Eries rolled into Gaddes’ arms who held her steady for a moment, trying to ignore the desperation he felt for release. He rolled her over onto her back.

“Gaddes, are you going to take me now?” She asked breathless. 

“One moment Princess, there’s one other thing I need to do,” Gaddes hated breaking the moment but he was too worried about the consequences to not use protection. 

Eries propped herself up, curious as to what Gaddes was doing she cocked her head to the side. He was stood up now, bent over, his pert behind facing her which left her giggling. He turned over his shoulder to look at her.

“What’s so funny?” He smirked.

“Nothing,” still staring she watched him turn, his cock standing at full attention. Whilst she’d enjoyed the sight of him whilst laying in bed it was only now he was stood up she could really appreciate his length and toned figure.

He placed the prophylactic onto himself facing away from her, finding it to be more than a little unsexy. Protected now, he strolled back to the bed, taking a moment to enjoy her, he stroked one hand up her slender figure. He swung one leg over her and slowly lowered himself onto her, careful not to crush her.

Eries brushed the hair that was covering his face away, “Gaddes,” her voice quivered, “This is okay, isn’t it?” She was unable to disguise the fear in her voice. 

Gaddes nodded gently, “Of course it is Princess.”

He lined himself up, stroked up and down a few times, his cock rubbing her, making use of her juices, “Are you ready Eries?” He looked down at her trembling face. 

She bit her lower lip, “Please just do it, just do it and kiss me,” she nodded and leant in to meet him. He lowered his lips slowly to meet hers and as their lips touched they became one. 

Beat. He was inside her, no going back, they were joined as one. Her breath hitched when he first entered her, there was a moment where it felt strange, alien… but it didn’t hurt her. The bed had never felt so clean, she’d never felt more like a baby wrapped inside the petals of a rose, morning dew speckled on the outside of a bud about to bloom. They soon struck a rhythm that matched one another’s, lips barely parting, the tightest embrace binding them. 

He’d gone so long without sex and finally being with Eries felt so good he didn’t know how long he could last. Unexpectedly he felt Eries clench around him, her arms holding him tight, her hips started to move to meet his. 

“Eries,” he said breathlessly in between kisses, “I’m not hurting you am I?”

“No, no…” she repeated it several times to reassure him, one of her hands reached down for his ass and groped it, helping to push him into her. Gaddes had such a look of concentration on his face she was finding it hard not to laugh, but just as she thought she might crack he’d slightly change the angle he was entering her, causing her to gasp once more. 

He could feel himself getting closer, his insides uncurling. In his experience it was rare women could come from sex, or maybe he wasn’t doing it right? Still this wasn’t the time to contemplate that. 

He reached down for Eries and slowed his pace a moment, “I’m going to touch you again is that okay?”

She looked a little shocked, “What now?” 

He nodded, “I want us to enjoy the err,” despite being inside her and baring himself completely, he still felt embarrassed to say the words, “Climax together.”

“Ohhh.” She whispered 

He slid two fingers down between her legs and started to gently rub her.

“Ohhhhh, ohhh Gaddes,” she moaned softly as he slowly increasing the speed he was entering into and out of her as he did so. She scrunched up her fists into balls, knuckles turning white as she felt a heat in her build like she’d never known before. 

She realised Gaddes was increasing his pace significantly, “Ugghhh Eries, Eries!” He was crying her name whilst she was struggling to breathe. 

He kissed her, roughly, drowning out her moans, he rubbed her a little quicker, sensing her own quickening heart beat. He wished he could have lasted longer but after a few minutes and so long without feeling this close to another human, it was impossible.

Pulling away he couldn’t help but let out the expletives he’d been holding back, “Fuck Eries, nnghhh,” he cried out as he felt his heat spill out into her.

Eries froze for a moment before letting out a cry of release, her body jolted upwards, back arched, mind fuzzy as Gaddes gently slowed down and removed his hand from her. He stayed inside her for a moment looking down at her perfectly flushed, dewy face. 

“Hey,” he said, small smile spreading across his face.

She smiled back and reached out to cup his jaw and pull him in for a kiss. He slowly pulled out of her, removing the protection and tying it in a knot hoping Eries wasn’t put off by it. Once disposed of he rolled onto his back and pulled Eries into his chest, she buried her face in his soft chest hair, kissing him and tasting his salt. 

His arms were wrapped tightly round her, “You okay sweetheart? Was that okay?”

Eries was silent, she had enjoyed it hadn’t she? But now, the moment she let herself go had been so intense, so magnificent only to be shattered by a painful realisation seconds later, guilt eating her up on the inside. Shame burnt up inside her, reluctantly she pulled away from his firm body, rolled over onto her side and pulled the white sheets up round her chest.

“Darlin’?” Gaddes asked placing a hand on her arm.

She nodded, tears falling softly into the pillow. 

“Eries,” he kissed her shoulder, when she didn’t respond he sat up and reached for the floor to pick up his shirt. “Please say something,” he sighed.

When she didn’t respond he sat up, “I need to know you’re okay,” he was greeted with nothing but silence, “I’ll give you some space, you can talk when you’re ready.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed, reached down for his clothes, “I’m sorry Princess, I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he hung his head in shame, mortified and in agony that he had clearly caused her such pain. 

 

“You can stay here as long as you need to, I’ll leave discreetly, no one has to know what happened here.” He stood up and pulled up his breeches then started to button up his shirt but found it near impossible due to how much his hands were trembling. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to mess this up so badly, just a moment ago he was living out a fantasy and nothing could have been more perfect, now it was shattered. 

 

Eries was distraught for all his kindness, he couldn’t see, she was unable to talk, broken and fixed again, feeling like a child. She opened her mouth, her lips moved but no sound came out, she struggled through the tears, her fists balled in the sheets. All she wanted was to be held, caring not who found them like this. 

Gaddes finished getting dressed and head for the door, “Are you sure you want me to go? There’s nothing I can do?” He was sure he heard something, not words exactly, but a faint murmur. He was about to leave and then understanding overcame him, what am I doing? He threw himself down on the bed next to her, his hands wrapping tightly round her waist and pulling her back into him, “I won’t be gone forever Eries, you can always visit. I’d go a thousand miles for you and more you know that?” 

She didn’t answer but this time he stayed, realising they’d come so far in such a short time but be difficult for her to process. He could feel her trembling under him, “I am sorry Eries if I moved too fast.” He paused looking for ways to comfort her, he stroked her hair and pulled it out of her face so it wouldn’t be wetted by her tears, “My love,” he kissed her shoulder. 

“It is normal, that feeling you have right now,” he was guessing how she was feeling, but knew the feeling that could creep up on one after an intense orgasm oh too well. 

 

Slowly she shifted to turn round and face him, “I…I was okay wasn’t I? I did okay?” She stuttered.

He smiled, nearly laughed but controlled his reactions, “Of course, Princess…” he paused, “Eries you’re wonderful, come here,” he cradled her in his arms.

 

This was something new for Eries, relying on another like this was something she had never done. She had never sought comfort or validation from another like this but now it felt as if her world depended on it. 

“But what will my father say?” She said quietly nuzzling into his chest once again. 

There were hundred ways Gaddes figured he could answer this question, answers all of which he figured would be wrong and she wouldn’t want to hear. The problem firstly was they hadn’t established what this was, Gaddes knew what he wanted it to be, what he dreamed it could be, but had pretty much counted that out to start with. 

He pulled away a little and sat up pulling Eries with him so she was sat back to his chest. He reached round, took a hold of her hands in his, “Eries, what happens next is up to you, I’ll respect your wishes. We can keep this quiet, we can tell your father in time or never at all. You’ve made it clear to the court you have no intention of marrying so it won’t seem strange for you never to marry and we can go on in secret,” he removed one of his hands to brush her hair. 

 

She squirmed in his arms, fought to turn round and face him, “No Gaddes, I can’t lie, I won’t live in secret as if this is some sin I should shame for indulging in.”

Gaddes smiled, there was no way he ever expected that, “Well then my love, shall we take it one step at a time?” He asked as he leant down to kiss her neck.

She looked over her shoulder up at him, “Together?” 

He nodded, “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally this was it, the end, I didn't plan on writing anymore on this. But then I wrote the campion pieces 'Soul food' and 'Moving on.' Graveside was originally meant to be a lot longer which is probably why I ended up with so many companion pieces. I wanted to go into Dilandau/Celena more and how Allen was coping, I want to talk about Millerna/Dryden and the rest of the crusade crew (especially something like Reeden discovering these two getting it on...) and their future. So I'm leaving this open to continue for now!


End file.
